neglect

one day i was walking to work and you called me, depressed about life again, asking i-dont-know-what of me, and the snow was hitting my face, and i could barely even see, and i just yelled at you with this huge smile on my face i said nothing matters, nothing matters, none of it matters, trust me it doesn't, and you were saying something but i could barely even hear you, and that's how i feel sometimes still, when i'm on these long beaches i forget that they end and something else worse starts somewhere else, staggering like a fool with my knobbly stick carving words all around for someone to find but to not care about, find balloons and tampons and refrigerator parts, after enough of them i come back to earth, walk back, it's just like walking into the ol soup store again

in a place i had been before, maybe
on a dusty red road
this feeling crept up which i've felt many times
a most uncategorizable feeling
like the oddest form of yellow
so this yellow-like feeling crept up in me
and the wind started a gust.
mixed with the yellow-like was coming this great fear
rising up like the coming of sick.
the clouds swirled about, and there they came as I was sure they would
they surrounded me at a sort of distance
close enough to alarm but far enough so I knew what I was in for
one after another they came down from the angry sky. some white, some deep deep grey. thin and long, huge and stout
any and all kinds, they were.
whimpering, i cowered in fear and panic
searching hopelessly for a space to wedge my body and wait for the end

what have i done?