BEING CLOSE

*Sometimes you are hanging onto the edge of a cliff & there is sweat on your brow
& this other person is stomping on your white in the middle red on the edges fingers, one by one until a solitary finger is holding your full weight & you look into the person's eyes who's gonna make you fall down into the depths of darkness & you say
"Fuck...you."

but some people will say:
"I will love you forever, goodbye, ahh, ahh."

*I'm in the Tate modern & my brain is just firing off into nowhere.
I don't know. Sometimes I'll be looking at something & not even see it. Hearing something & not even listen. I do it so much it makes me disappointed.

*One day I was holding a jar for Niki on the way to the grocery store
& it had tea in it. Maybe there was a weird proportion of air to water, or pressure or I don't know what, but something about the cap was making squealing noises which sounded exactly like screams & it was really scaring me.

*When you're swimming in the ocean & you get to a warm section then a very cold then a warm one again

*We stop the car to take a break from driving.
We are in Illinois. We are Chicago-bound.
One of the people I am with has a brother here.
We get out & a man dressed in white is walking slowly towards us. He has a white square, also, on his clothing. He is holding a serrated knife with a blue handle. He looks serious. He walks straight past us. I think he grabbed another knife.
We went inside & then walked outside again. It had snowed.
I set out walking & came upon a dead white beautiful husky dog.
It had been cut & bled out all over the snow.
It was the deepest most gorgeous red against the white snow.
I left the husky.
I came upon a dead white beautiful rabbit which had been treated the same way.
I picked up the rabbit; I carried it around with me, the poor limp thing.
People were upset. I was emotionally removed & concerned only with capturing the beauty of it all.
I gave the rabbit to some woman. She didn't realize it was dead until the blood began to run down her arm.
Very thick red blood. The rabbit's lifeless head hung back as the woman examined the deadness. I don't remember what sound this made.
she began to cry. I was setting up my shot through the camera lens.I took the photo & took the rabbit from the woman & left her crying in the snow.
I walked towards a man & a woman. The man was big & tall & wearing white.
He was holding the bloody dog & crying.
His head was thrown back in absolute pain & tragedy.
He was seeming to ask god why this had happened to him.
I looked through my camera's viewfinder at him.
He moved his head too soon and I didn't get the picture I wanted.


It gets significantly louder at 4:08